Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
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She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
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We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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