You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
My legs feel like baby dolphins
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Randomize
