Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
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