gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
