dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
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