party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Randomize
