You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
