i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
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