I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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