Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
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