If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
