First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Randomize
