Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
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The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
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