When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Randomize
