I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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