It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
Randomize
