I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
We talked him into tasing himself.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
We have started to decorate penises.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
