I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
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