Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
