Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
