This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
