I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize
