Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
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