Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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