1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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