I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
