sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
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