You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
