All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
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