Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
