Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
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