Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Why are your pants in the freezer?
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
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