then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
