we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
