Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
