i don't like sucking hair
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
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