Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
