the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
