come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
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lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
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