Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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