she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
