So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
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