K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
You ate ashes out of my bong
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Randomize
