she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
