My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
