I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
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