You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
false alarm, still single
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
