Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
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