I molested 6 butterflies tonight
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
Found your dick twin last night
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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