I swear she didn't look like that last week.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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