I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
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