Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
