Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
What a dumb baby whore.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
