That's intense
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
Randomize
