How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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