So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
