i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
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