I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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