so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Randomize
