I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Randomize
