The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
love how google fills in search terms for you, today for example, i ran a query for "why do girls get t"
and google finished it w/ "ramp stamps."
I felt less weird knowing others had searched this before me.
It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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