Please, let me fuck your mom
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
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