my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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