You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
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I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
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We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
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