Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
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I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
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Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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