i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize
