Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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