he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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