I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
