I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Randomize
